Wai Lana Lime Chili

We now come to the final chapter of what has been my epic odyssey exploring Wai Lana’s line of mysterious Yogi concocted health chips.  The penultimatechapter in this chip-reviewing epic was dark indeed, leaving me in doubt whether the last bag could possibly prevail in the face of the stomach-disturbing past.  But I should call this last review the Return of the Yogi, because this final episode establishes the crisps are back in awesome light-saber slashing form, and finally deliver as many colors of flavor as there were spaceships in the Battle of Endor.  In short, these are the Thai-flavored crisps I was waiting for.

There were alot of ships.  So many
the rebels ran out of colors to name
their squadrons after.

As creepy as it will appear if you are in a public space, I recommend smelling the inside of the bag upon opening.  You may sound like Darth Vader on a bad-breathmask day, but you won’t care because you will be inhaling the heady aromas of curried Thai cooking direct, and without a heat source.  Do remember to exhale, however.

Also, Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet...

As soon as you have been revived by your friends, you may observe that we are once again returning to the by now classic yucca chips made with tapioca flower, softly crunchy, reasonably large, and pleasantly dimpled for maximum saliva pooling pleasure.  The crispy semi-translucent wafers are covered with a gorgeous layer of red and green seasoning flanks, but unlike the Sweet Chili & Lime chips I tried earlier, you can actually taste it all as well.

Praxis- what happens when you exploit
the shit out of your planet.  Historical
note: Star Trek VI was the first movie
to use the 'blast ring' effect that has since
gone into general use and been needlessly
inserted into the Star Wars special edition.

By all petty gods of Lankhmar I swear that these chips are packed full of flavoring, hitting all the buttons at once in a flavor-xplosion the like of which has not been seen since the Klingon moon of Praxis exploded, forcing the Empire to make peace with the Federation.  Seriously, everything found in Thai cuisine has been thrown in here in a bag full of mind-blasting awesomeness: there are large sea-salt grains that deliver a savory shock as startling as pepper, there are rich brown morsels of cane sugar that offer an almost lyrical sweetness, there are multiple stinging spices (pepper among them) that enflame the tongue and sack the back of your throat as thoroughly as the staff responsible for the credits in Monty Python's the Holy Grail, and through it all, lime oil has been used with brilliant effectiveness to grant these chips the tangy aura of a dish full of Thai noodles covered in freshly squeezed lime juice.  A considerable number of supporting spices beyond those I just mentioned are also involved, including shallots and sesame seeds for certain, and what I guess to be curry.

You can practically taste the lime
juice on those noodles, making them
as slippery, sour, and slurpy as sex.

What is most commendable about the flavoring is the way the salt, sugar, and spices hit you in discrete clumps instead of a single homogenous flavor.  While sometimes I find such a distribution a cause for complaint, here it adds piquancy to the experience as you alternate between bites of sweetness, saltiness, and spiciness; the flavors are intense enough to stand on their own and last long enough in the mouth to overlap into the next bite.  The sour lime taste, by contrast, is consistent throughout the chips, and truly lovely (though a likely turn off for the sour-averse.)

These crisps feel like an epic conclusion and fitting reward for my previous exploration of the Wai Lana chips, and by far offer the best flavor-synthesis of those I have tried and the greatest diversity in seasonings I’ve had in a considerable time.  For anyone with a fondness for Thai cooking, or for any combination of intense and flavorful food, Irecommend this specific variety (so similarily labeled to the other flavors I’ve tried!) which shares clear parallels with Kettle Chips’ own opus in Thai-inspired Chips.  The Yogi finally took out the can of whoop-ass and showed what they were made of- spicy, sweet, and sour!

Stars: 3½

Spiciness Rating: Moderate-to-Spicy

Pros:

- Crisps are beautiful and agreeable to munch on, and you can actually taste the pretty seasonings on the crisps this time!

- A multitude of flavors and spices as diverse as the alien gangsters in Jabba's Palace

- Genuinenly spicy at times

- Lovely lime-oil flavor the beautiful constent in the curried cavalcade of spices and flavorings

Cons:

- If you don't appreciate sour or spicy, these are not for you.

Wai Lana Thai Curry and Lime

Like the disturbing surprise ending of a favorite TV show, today’s review marks the point where once pleasantly enjoyable series takes a completely out-of-character turn for the intensely dark.  And who could have seen it coming from so promising and upstanding a product as Wai Lana’s Thai Curry and Lime, made of yucca chips seasoned with coconut powder, shallot leaf, cane sugar, an array of curry seasonings?  Surely I should be handing out accolades and awards!  
 
The faithful emulation of the taste of bile in my mouth, however, is just a little too authentic.  In my many written excesses, I have never before stooped to describing my subjects as tasting like vomit, because by and large crisps rarely taste worse than uninspired and boring- crisps that are actually icky in some manner are few and far between.

No joke here: do yourself a favor and
obtain for your mouth an actual Thai curry.

Certainly, these new Wai Lana crisps enter the mouth with just as much promise as the earlier ones I reviewed, exuding a piquant aroma of curry and other assorted spices that, while unfashionable in their intensity, would seem to be precisely the sort of stronger and more authentic flavorings I have always passionately advocated.  The crisps are soft, crunchy, and mildly sweet making them a good compliment for the concept.  Yes, they are even spicy, burning pleasantly in the back of the throat, though I’m not sure that there’s any Lime flavoring to speak of from what I can taste.

As the seasonings percolate through your mouth, however, you realize at first that they are decidedly odd and off setting, and then suddenly they are odd and off-setting in a familiar way, reminiscent your mouth after that nauseatingly long car drive after the thanksgiving meal which didn’t quite set in your gut.  The burn at the back of your throat starts to seem less like some charming spice and more like the acrid sensation of stomach acids in attack mode, located north of where they should be.

 On the well-established principle that a rich and respected perpetrator should be offered superior consideration to a poor victim, I feel compelled to still award these chips a full star, even though I found myself shuddering at the thought of consuming even one more for the purely scientific purposes of this review.  The reason for my lenience: these do boldly go where no man has gone befor- attempt to deliver certain spicy sensations that are too extreme for my fragile western palette, but just because I can’t stand them doesn’t mean they mightn’t appeal to a person of more radical, or at least, curried tastes.  Those of you who think you can take it, give it a try and report back to me- or try eating durian.

Stars: 1/4

Spiciness: Moderate

Pros:

- Crisps are softly crunchy, offer excellent surface area

- Properly spicy as they well should be

- Authentic tasting seasonings

Cons:

- The seasonings end up tasting odd and off putting

- When combined with spicy sensation, the seasonings start to resemble bile

- No lime flavoring in evidence

Wai Lana Yogi Chips Sweet and Sour

I was rather expecting that there would be a certain consistency in my reviews of the Yogi Chips, and like reviewing Doritos, there would come to be little need to make note of the texture of the chips while all the variation would occur in terms of flavoring.  This illusion was pleasantly dispelled when I opened my bag of Sweet and Sour chips and discovered that they not only featured a different shape and consistency, but were also markedly more flavorful than my previous experience.

Asia's answer to chicken McNuggets.

Now, I’ve always been fond of Sweet andSour sauce (and soup!) in Asian cuisine.  Admittedly, if you order sweet and sour chicken, you will end up with chicken drenched in red sauce with perhaps a mild hint of a citrusy tang- what’s not to like?  The sour element tends to be underplayed, so it’s like eating shredded chicken or pork in a swimming pool of red syrup- so basically, sweet and sour chicken is Asia’s answer to McNuggets in ketchup.

Who doesn't like a steamy tart?

By contrast, when you open the bag with the smiling Polynesian looking woman, the odors sumptuously wafting up from its foil confines will inform you that these crisps bring the sour back into sweet and sour.  The tangy lemony smell is evocative of aforementioned gleaming red chicken puffing hot vapor on a plate before you like a steamy girlfriend, and tantalizes the nostrils of any one who enjoys a little tartness in their cuisine (or romantic partners).

The crisps share the same rice and tapioca base as the Sweet Chili & Lime chips I reviewed earlier, but are notably thicker and crunchier (in a good way) and shaped like small circular pototo crisps rather than the curled-rectangle Frito-forms I had expected from the earlier product.  While there was nothing wrong with the earlier type, the additional firmness does crackle more satisfyingly in the mouth and distinguishes the crisps from the soft textures of breakfast cereal, for good or ill.

Trivia question: Have you ever
spilled the Sweet and Sour sauce
in your Chinese take out, making a gory
mess of your Asian fast food?  If your
answer rhymes with 'mess' you're being
honest.

While there is no sparkly coating of spices like on the Sweet Chili and Lime chips, in its place you get a great deal more flavor!  The crisps taste mildly sweet at first, before blossoming on the tongue into a rising tide of tangy citrus like a tsunami wave of lemon juice.  The sourness is by no means overpowering, but does predominate over the sweeter aspects, to the likely disappointment of the sweet-and-sour-sauce-as-ketchup school, but making them more rewarding for those who appreciate citrus and or vinegar in their crispy snacks.  My wife suggested that they tasted like egg rolls dipped in sweet and sour sauce, which actually makes sense if you consider the commonalities between the crispy egg rolls and crunchy chipswith the tangy-sweet flavoring.

All in all, I rather liked these, though like actual sweet and sour sauce, the flavoring isn’t too subtle and doesn’t include many nuances other than that pleasant mouth-trip from mild-sweet to tangy-sour.  The crisps are robust and compliment the flavoring well, and I should emphasize that for all it leans on its citrusy aspects, it is not overpowering

Stars: 2½/4

Spiciness Rating: None

Pros:

- Tangy citrus aroma is not at all shy in announcing it gloriously tart presence

- Mildly sweet flavoring ushers in the sour and compliments it pleasantly

- Crisps are pleasantly crunchy and well shaped

Cons:

- True to the sauce it imitates, lacking in subtle nuances and spices

- Some might prefer a greater weight on the ‘sweet’ aspects of sweet and sour

News Flash: American reinforcements land in France in June- history repeats itself!

When my mom asked me what American products she could pack for me for when she visited us in France, aside from my laundry list of geekiness, she suggested chips.  “But what kind?” she asked.  “Anything exotic looking…” I requested breezily.

Well, mothers do not fail, and when I next saw her in her hotel in the 7em Arrondisement, she had one tube of Ragin’ Cajun Xtreme Pringles (making it the second product I will have reviewed making references to the temper of our Louisianan swamp-folk) and a host of exotic Wai Lana South-Asian themed corn-tapioca-chip things.  Motherly Mission Acomplished!

Now, Wai Lana apparently makes a business out of selling bamboo mats and making yoga instruction videos, which is more my parent’s cup of tea, but apparently healthy gluten-free organic chips are a part of the enlightened meditative life style.  Rather than the kindly face of a sage Indian Yogi, the packages all display an alluring south-east Asian island girl apparently inviting you to a day on the beach with cocktails.  Score one for the marketing department!

Now, I figured these chips might not seem as attainable as other products here, but their website ()lists distributors in Australia, Canada, Hungary, Korea, Mexico, Slovenia, and the UK, as well as the rest of Europe through HMV and Virgin.  Sadly, the website doesn’t enumerate the American distributors, but the ones my mom found was in the little exotic snack section of a Marshall's, and presumably there are plenty more places that have them as well.

In general, these crisps have a running rice-and-tapioca texture which is kind of unique, but the shape, hardness, and, of course, flavoring of the crisps has varied substantially between the two I’ve tried so far.  Below, you can see my first review of the Whole Grain Sweet Chili & Lime flavor, soon to be followed by a review of the Sweet and Sour variety.

Wai Lana Yogi Chips Whole Grain Sweet Chili & Lime

Having just received by Mom-in-person-delivery a foursome of exotic chips, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I eagerly ripped open Wai Lana’s Sweet Chili and Lime Yogi chips.  They were indeed depicted on the packaging in some detail, but I couldn’t tell if they were corn chips or rice crackers from the resolution of the cover image.  When I produced my first crisp from the bag, little did I realize that I was in store for some cinnamon toast crunch flashbacks.

Cinnamon Toast crunch
in all its buttery glory!

Yogi chips- note their
significant girth in comparison
to my thumb, and their similarity
to you-know-what.  No, not
Voldemort.

I say this with fondness rather than any deep set trauma.  Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal flakes are basically dimpled rectangles of wheat and rice, richly lathered with a crystalline coating of sparkling sugar and cinnamon in a genuinely eye pleasing river of sweetness.  They were exactly the kind of unhealthy over-sweetened cereal that my mom would never have permitted within a mile of the kitchen cabinet, so that I had to wait until a study abroad trip in Poland in a host’s pantry to do the dirty, sugar-coated deed.  They were expensive as cereals went in Poland, costing about a $1.60 (5 zloty at the time), but I made sure to acquire more along with the pierogies, golumpki, and zurek.

As you may have intuited, the Yogi chips feature the same light-weight crunchy texture, (in this case made with corn and tapioca of all things!), though larger on average at around 3 centimeters long and 2 wide.  And yes, they are coated with a river of South Asian themed spices which truly entice the eye and promise rapturous orgies of tingling spice and sugar.

Like this, but more full of spice.  Yet, for all the glitter and
glamour, you may find the decadent pleasures taste hollow
on the inside.

Alas, these sweet promises were, quite lierally, not to be realized.  While the crisps are delightful to crunch and surprisingly substantial, the flavoring seems to dance around the edges of the tongues but never delivers a clear statement of sweet or salty on the center (and you do remember the lessons on the functioning of various taste buds from elementary school, right?)  These are not sweet chips with chili, but flavored with ‘sweet chili’- apparently a major difference. 

Like a historical movie epic that boasts excellent production values and a truly exotic setting but fails to deliver much of a main plot, the chips have a lot charming aspects despite their major central shortcoming.  There are delightful side plots, flavorful notes of ginger and the titular sweet pepper, a mild but tantalizing spicy tingle in the back of the throat, a generally tropical atmosphere of ambient lime juice, and an undercurrent of very mild sweetness.

Indian Jones 5: Jaws versus ET.  Which
one will the mega-shark swallow first?

But for all the beautiful trimmings, there is no main story.  They are not sweet chips, nor are they salty chips- they are plain chips with a few spicy accents and notes, but no main theme.  Give me a nicely leit-motif ridden 1980s John Williams over the unrelated discordance of an avant garde movie score!  As such, I can imagine they might appeal to some that dislike strong seasonings, but wouldn’t mind some more subtle spicy accents.  Those who demand a definitive statement of sweetness or saltiness should look elsewhere, though.

The packages boasts that the chips have 40% less fat and made of whole grain, and indeed at 105 calories (of which 1/3 are fat) these are markedly more healthy when compared to regular chips.  The ingredient list is also as distinguished as a supporting British ensemble cast for an action movie: Mung Beans, chili, sea salt, natural lime juice.  The only mystery is how they failed to produce something more exciting with such organic talent at its disposal, but the movie industry does it all the time, eh?

We can only imagine that behind
that inscrutable, emotionless mask
lies a soul seething with inner
turmoil.  Or drugs.

All in all, I rated these somewhat leniently with an average score.  Just as I feel a certain appreciation for the Matrix Revolutions, for all of its many disappointment, these crisps, aside from their major fault in lacking a strong central flavor, are genuinely unique in their cereal-like glory, relatively healthy, and feature some compelling supporting performances even if the dramatic lead blasés Keanu.  Anybody looking for crunchy and plain whole grain crisps with a small side of exotic spices may soon find themselves bending spoons with their mind and dressing up like a latex-fetishist.  Yoga is supposed to give you super powers after all, and nothing can make the world bend to your will like absolute self confidence and the inability to be embarassed.

Stars: 2/4

Spiciness Rating: Mild

Pros:

- Delightfully light but crunchy corn-and-tapioca texture reminiscent of cereal

- Beautiful sparkling coating of salt and spices slathered along the length of fairly large crisps

- Elegant notes of lime, ginger, salt, and spicy chili pepper

Cons:

- No major sweet or salty flavor-despite the supporting spices, the chips are predominantly bland rather than one or the other

Leader Price FineLigne Crackers gout crème oignon

Image coutesy of July Wattitude,
who reviews light foods and was rather
fond of these.

So I’m pretty much stretching the definition of chips right now by reviewing what are undeniably crackers, but this product is definitely consumed just like chips and even has sour cream and onion flavoring, and the main ingredient is still potatoes, so all in all I feel justified.

This is another example of some guys coming over to party at our house and leaving tasty things behind which I subsequently snatched for the purposes of my review.  I feel it’s a fair compensation for the paranoia these parties have inflicted upon our neighbors, one of whom accused us of sacrificing pigeons and dripping their blood on her balcony.  (No, I’m not making this stuff up.)  It does make me wonder if I’m somehow missing the more interesting parts of these parties, but what can you do?

So, this product is basically made up of water crackers, which are a very plain white flour-based crackers of extremely limited flavor and absorption that beg to have cheese or dip spread on them.  Apparently these were formulated in 1801 as a means to feed sailors on long voyages at sea, then soldiers during the U.S. Civil War, but somehow these have gotten classed up as being the perfect accompaniment for the wine-and-cheese course at your fancy soiree- how’s that for rags to riches? 

The FineLigne crackers are cut in a sort of oval clam shape pretty close to a chip, separated by empty air bubbles in the middle which can make them a just little awkward to crunch, but not unreasonably.  They are covered with a white and green flecked sour cream and onion powder which is sweet and gentle to the taste, just about as you’d expect it, and counterpoints very well with the bland floury base of the water crackers.

These are specifically advertised as being light, and at 104 calories for a 25 gram serving, they aren’t really that bad.  I didn’t feel like their flavor suffered for being healthier, except in the sense that the airy emptiness on the insides of these chips was not entirely satisfying.  I also am inclined to whine in favor of thicker and stronger flavoring, but really what’s there is adequate and reasonably nice, and it was interesting to have a floury water cracker base, even though ‘potato powder’ is listed as the primary ingredient, it looks like these are potato chips after all!

Stars: 2/4

Spiciness Rating: none

Pros:

- Flavored water cracker snack food makes for an interesting change of pace

- Soft and sweet sour cream and onion flavoring is quite pleasant

- Reasonably light on the calories without obvious shortcoming in flavor

Cons:

- Water crackers are too airy on the inside to be very satisfying to crunch on

- Might leave you yearning for additional flavoring