Thursday, March 3, 2011

Something to Amuse Yogurt Lovers...

If you will permit my brief derilection from sacred duty, I thought I would refer you over to a new blog started by my friend Clemente, who is reviewing yougrts at

Now, I eat even more yogurt than I do chips, and so the idea to write about them had crossed my mind even before I moved to France, the mother country of all yogurt lovers.  (And strangely enough, even though the French Dannon and Yoplait companies produce the vast majority of yogurt sold in US stores, they still sell entirely different products in France!)

On the negative aspects of the yogurt's packaging:
The cream-maker on the lid reflects a too negative
image of labor and production.  A cheekier, more
charming woman,  such as Brigitte Bardot, licking a
drop of fresh milk  would have been more beneficial
to the statistics on impulse buys related directly to
 the external aesthetics of the yogurt.
However, Clemente's writing style is even more baroque, even more grandiose, even more wind-blown than my ravening reviews, and though they are written in French, it might be worth finding a web-translator because his commentary is hilarious.  In his first review he spends five paragraphs reviewing the aesthetics of the packaging alone.

Once he gets around to commenting on the actual contents, he offers such insightful commentary as follows:

Now immerse your spoon in this ocean of happiness, this creamy cascade of softness, this noble mousse tickling the palaces of the gods of the sky and milk.  Ninkasi better watch out, the raisins born on the vine will be dethroned by bovine milk.

Almost impalpable, incommensurable, the mousse bubble that we have pried from its nest remains a mystery, and only its absorption will unveil the magical taste of its poison.  As, more strongly than any drug, it alienates us from eternity.  Before smelling the odor of my death, Saint Paul will smell chestnuts.

Imagine what his reviews will be like for yogurts he doesn't like.


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